Mall Madness: Facebook and Leather Pants
by BlackRoseDragonCK
Summary: Oneshot.Tea takes the Yugioh boys to the mall. Full summary inside. I do not own Yugioh or Yugioh Abridged. Yugioh belongs to Kazuki Takahashi and Yugioh Abridged belongs to LittleKuriboh.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh or Yugioh Abridged or any of the Yugioh Abridged jokes.**

**Tea has taken the Yugioh boys to the mall for some back-to-school shopping. Unfortunately, she has fallen asleep in a massage chair, leaving the others…unsupervised. The characters have some YGO Abridged personality traits except for Tea and Yami has only the Egyptian swearing. Also, Yugi and Yami have separate bodies. Lots of YGOTAS jokes.**

_rubbing…kneading…relief…_ Tea moaned in pleasure, "Mmmm….that feels good Yami…a little…lower…aah!" she sat up in panic, leaping out of the massage chair and shrieking, "OH MY GOD! I FELL ASLEEP!"

Ignoring the strange looks other people were giving her, the girl whipped out her cell phone and gasped in horror. She had been asleep since two o'clock…now it was four! Two hours? She had left everyone alone for TWO HOURS!

Panicked, Tea ran out of the store, frantically trying to think of a plan. "_Oh no…okay, calm down. I'll track them down one at a time. Yami said he was going to Hot Topic, so I'll check there first."_

The brunette made her way to the store and went inside, searching every black-filled shelf for any trace of the Pharaoh (A.N: I love Hot Topic by the way). Spotting a clerk with a gargoyle nose ring and blue hair, Tea approached her and asked, "Excuse me…have you seen a guy dressed in black leather and chains with spiky tri-colored hair?" She thought she had given a pretty distinctive description.

The woman raised an eyebrow and gestured to the other customers, saying, "Take your pick."

Sure enough, the shop was filled with at least five guys (and some girls) who fit that exact sketch. Grimacing, Tea thanked the clerk and left, wandering aimlessly about until she reached the hall leading to the restrooms.

"Oh…where could he have gone..?"

"PSST! Tea!"

Said blue-eyed beauty glanced around in confusion, hearing the voice but not seeing its owner.

"Here! Behind the plant!"

Tea wandered over to the large, potted indoor tree that rested a few yards away. She looked behind it…and found just the person she was looking for.

"Yami!"

"Hey," he smiled sheepishly, sitting on the ground behind the tree with his jacket tied around the front of his waist.

"What are you doing?" the girl demanded, grabbing his arm and attempting to haul him to his feet.

The Pharaoh's face went bright red and he cried, "No don't! I…can't…"

"Huh?"

Tea gave him a confused look as his face turned an even darker shade of crimson.

"I can't get up because…" he squeezed his eyes shut…then burst out, "That Ra forsaken idiot Marik stole my leather pants!"

"…What…?"

Yami buried his burning face in his hands. "I was walking out of the bathroom when the army of Steves grabbed me…then Marik came out blabbering something about finally stealing the source of my power…and he took them."

The brunette kneaded her forehead in exasperation…yet she truly wasn't surprised. The wielder of the Millennium rod and his Steves were always doing idiotic things, usually dragging Bakura along with them.

"Okay, Yami," she sighed. "I will get your leather pants back…just…stay put."

"No problem."

As the girl left, Yami muttered to himself, "I can't believe that effeminate idiot thought my pants are the source of my power….everyone knows it's my leather shoes."

Tea wandered around the mall until she finally arrived at the Blackberry shop and found another missing party member—Bakura.

"If you buy this phone, you'll have hundreds of incredible apps," a store clerk explained enthusiastically to the none-too-impressed white-haired villain. "You can pull up youtube, check your email, log on Facebook—"

"I DON'T WANT BLOODY FACEBOOK!" Bakura snarled. "If I wanted random strangers to look at me, I'd walk around this vicinity screaming, 'I am the Angel of Death'!"

The clerk blinked. "But…that's what you were doing when I came up to you."

"And that's why I don't need bloody Facebook."

Tea ran up to him before he could do something horrible to the store worker and exclaimed, "Bakura! You won't believe what Marik did!"

Bakura tapped his chin. "Let's see…since I've known him, he's rearranged Yugi's sock drawer, forced all the Steves of the internet world to create Facebook accounts for their pet turtles, and allowed an eight-year-old girl to join our evil council…I'm willing to go on a little faith here."

"He's gotten it into his head that Yami's leather pants are the source of his power, so he stole them!" the girl explained. "Now Yami's hiding behind a tree, Marik and the Steves are on the loose in the mall, and I haven't got a clue where anyone else is!"

The fluffy-haired teen rolled his eyes and replied, "Calm down…I've got a pretty good hunch as to where two of your friends are. Let's go."

Sure enough, Tea and Bakura found Joey and Tristan at the Game Stop, playing one of the demo games.

"Hey, Joey," Tristan grinned, "You up for a game of Super Mario Carts?"

The blonde shrugged. "Okay, as long as I can be Luigi."

Tristan grabbed his collar. "I'm always Luigi!"

"Okay, then I'll be Mario."

"I'm always Mario!"

"Fine! I'll be Peach!"

"I'm ALWAYS Peach!"

"I'LL JUST WATCH!"

"I'M ALWAYS WATCH!"

"Bloody idiots…" Bakura muttered, grabbing both boys and dragging them out of the game store.

"Did either of you see Yugi?" Tea inquired.

Tristan thought for a moment. "Is he the hobbit from that movie about the evil ring?"

"NO, YOU IDIOT!"

"Nyeh…I think I saw Yuge go into dat pet store ova there," Joey replied in his thick Brooklyn accent.

Following the blonde's advice, they entered "Pet Land"…and found Yugi crammed inside a dog kennel.

"Hmmm…" Bakura thought. "Shouldn't we have found Joey here?"

"SHADDUP FLUFFY!" Joey shot back. "Don't make me unleash my rage of the Brooklyn variety!"

"DON'T CALL ME FLUFFY IN PUBLIC!"

Ignoring the chaos erupting behind her, Tea looked at her vertically challenged friend and asked, "Do I even WANT to know what happened here?"

"You've gotta help me, Tea!" Yugi squeaked. "The nuts at this pet store think I'm a baby panda! They locked me in here and called the zoo! Help!"

The brunette sighed exasperatedly and unlatched the cage, helping her poor friend climb out. Suddenly, someone shouted,

"Hey! That girl is kidnapping the baby panda! And it looks like she's stealing a kitty too!"

"I'M NOT A KITTY!" Bakura yelled as they fled from the angry pet store mob that was beginning to form.

It wasn't long before they finally came upon Marik, who was in the food court ordering from McDonalds for himself and for all the Steves.

"Yes, I demand a chicken nugget happy meal, a cheeseburger happy meal with apple dippers, six hamburger happy meals, one with nothing on it, the second with ketchup and mustard, one with no burger at all, just the toy—"

"I'm sorry sir," interrupted the cashier worker. "You have to order the food, you can't just get a toy."

"WHAT!" Marik shrieked. "WHAT THE FRIG DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T JUST HAVE THE TOY?"

"You have to order a meal—"

"Wait…" the Egyptian villain grinned when he saw the man's name tag. "Your name is Steve?"

Yes…why…?"

Marik held out the Millennium rod and Steve's expression went completely blank.

"Now…I command you to give me worthless plastic toys, Steve!"

"Yes…Master Marik…" replied the mind slave, walking stiffly to the toy bin.

"Marik…" Bakura approached him. "I hate to interrupt this moment of triumph for you, but I need you to give me the Pharaoh's leather pants so we can get out of here."

"WHAT? NO!" Marik held the trousers out of his cohorts reach. "I HAVE FINALLY SIEZED THE SOURCE OF OUR GREATEST ENEMY'S POWER, AND YOU WANT ME TO GIVE IT UP? NEVER! I'VE ALREADY PLASTERED 'VICTORY IS MINE' ALL OVER MY FACEBOOK WALL!"

"Who bloody cares?" Fluffy snapped.

"You only say that because you don't HAVE Facebook!"

"HOW MANY BLOODY TIMES DO I HAVE TO BLOODY SAY THAT I DON'T WANT BLOODY FACEBOOK!"

"Still, you're not getting the pants."

"Is that so?" Bakura suddenly gasped and exclaimed. "Look, Marik! It's your abusive dead father who called you 'Billy' and made you play with his highly poisonous snake!"

"HOLY FRIG! WHERE?"

With Marik distracted, Fluffy reached out and snatched the leather pants, quickly passing them to Tea.

Marik's forehead wrinkled. "I don't see anything…" he then noticed that his prize was missing. "HOLY FRIG! THAT FRIGGIN PSYCHO STOLE THE LEATHER PANTS! REVENGE WILL BE MINE!"

While the crazy Egyptian ranted the brunette ran over to the plant and handed the Pharaoh his trousers, smiling as he joined the group a few minutes later.

Marik sweat dropped. "Uh…..hello, Pharaoh…so…no hard feelings about the pants, right?"

"MIND CRUSH!"

Yami grinned in satisfaction as Bakura groaned, supporting a drooling Marik, and announced,

"Stealing leather pants is just wrong. Destroying insane villain's minds is A-okay!"

All of a sudden, a collective gasp sounded among the Domino Mall customers. Everyone looked up to see that the glass roof panel was sliding away…to allow a helicopter to fly in. Hovering in mid air, the air craft's door slid open…and out looked Seto Kaiba.

"You idiots!" he shouted to the various shop owners. "I hire you to do one simple job—manage the stores, and what do you do? You decide to capture a baby panda, immediately loose it, and allow a psychopath who used his army of Steves to crash my tournament to run loose in the mall!"

Mokuba added, "And who kidnapped me, right Seto?"

"Shut up, Mokuba!"

"HOLY BLEEP ON A BLEEP SANDWITCH!" Tristan exclaimed.

"NYEH? Kaiba owns dis mall?" Joey asked.

The millionaire glanced at the blonde, then back at the shop workers.

"And you let a dog run loose in my shopping center? That's it, you're all fired!"

"But, sir!" someone called, "What about all the money this mall makes every year?"

"SCREW THE MONEY, I HAVE RULES!" Kaiba snapped. "…wait let me try that again…"

He threw his hand dramatically into the air. "Screw the rules, I—AAGH!"

Kaiba's finger made contact with the spinning blades. "AAAAARGH, MY FINGER! IT CAME CLEAN OFF! SOMEBODY CALL AN AMBULANCE! MOKUBA, CAN'T YOU FLY THIS HELICOPTER PROPERLY?"

"Sorry, bro!"

With that, the helicopter left, and Yami demanded, "What in the name of German Alternative rock group Falco was THAT about?"

Tea sighed then groaned when she realized something.

"Did anyone…actually buy any back-to-school clothes?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Great…guess we'll have to do all this again tomorrow!"

**Heh…not the best, just something I thought of in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. I hope you liked, but please no flames if you didn't. Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh, Yugioh Abridged, Blackberry, Gamestop, Mario games, Game Stop, McDonalds, Hot Topic Lord of the Rings, Rock Group Falco, or any other copyrighted things in this fic. I don't know if Pet Land is a real place, but if it is I don't own it. I do not own ANY Yugioh Abridged jokes.**


End file.
